Is learning English causing you stress?

Learning English is an extremely rewarding journey but at some points it can give us great stress! Maybe learning a new grammar pattern, or not being able to pronounce ‘rural’ no matter how many times we tried left us feeling bothered and frustrated. In those moments you might feel your temperature rising and tension building. In most cases, we quickly move past the negative feelings, perhaps laughing at the situation instead. For others, such situations can cause deeper emotional and physical stress, commonly due to previous negative learning experiences.

As a young child living in Wales, I really enjoyed Maths. However, when I moved to England at the age of 8, my new maths teacher was someone who could only be described as terrifying. Lessons were extremely stressful. We never knew when he was going to explode in anger when we didn’t understand what he asked. Most of the time we were sitting in silence, too afraid to say anything in case we will be screamed at if we are wrong. The classes were so traumatising for me, that every time I had to do maths, I would become anxious, stressed and panicked. Crying was a daily occurrence- even for homework! It knocked my confidence and ability so much that I had to have Maths tutors for the rest of my school life. I was thrilled when I got a B in my final exam and I never had to think of Maths again.

Twenty years or so later, I was in my Slovene language course learning numbers. 1 to 20 was fine, then after it got a bit confusing, and I started to feel stressed. Then the teacher gave us an exercise where we had to read the numbers out loud, add or subtract them and answer in front of the class. Suddenly I was transported to my 8-year-old self, and I felt complete terror in having to do maths, and to be expected to speak a different language in front of people I didn’t know! I became insanely anxious, hot, got a huge lump in my throat and started fighting back tears. I became so physically stressed, I had to leave the room because I also didn’t want the added shame of an adult crying in a class! I pretended to have an important phone call and went to the bathroom for a stress release cry! Once I’d let my body release its’ stress, I realised that it wasn’t this class that had bothered me. The stress of moving to a new city and feeling out of control, all those years ago had attached themselves to Maths, and I found myself in a similar situation - in a foreign country, out of my depth and doing Maths!

We’ve all experienced situations when we are triggered in our personal or professional lives. From neuroscience, we know that such events cause physiological responses when the part of our brain that remembers the original negative experience, feels the same ‘threat in the present situation. Thinking we are in physical danger; the brain triggers our primal ‘fight or flight’ response originally designed to protects us from animal attacks. It sends signals to the hands and feet to prepare for movement, increases our heart rate to pump energy around the body for us to run or fight.

Today we are less likely to use ‘flight or fight’ for our physical survival, on a biological level, our brain can’t recognise that the stressful situations we experience at work or in our personal lives, aren’t life threatening. When we feel stressed or triggered, the physical need to run, shut down or fight isn’t something we can always control. Neuroscience and Psychology tells us that we can re-program our brains and overcome negative memories. Once we have identified the root cause for stress, we can reprogram ourselves over time to not react to our old stressors.

Many clients I work with complain of having upsetting memories attached to the English language, English speaking cultures or language learning methods. Others find learning English triggering as it causes internal conflicts with their self-beliefs, expectations and personality types. Such triggers can negatively impact our development or commitment to our acquisition and goals. By understanding our own stress triggers, we can also overcome them!

Explore the top 6 triggers below and you can overcome yours:

Trigger 1: You believe that ‘Learning English is never ending’ and are overwhelmed by the scale of learning.

Learning a language can feel like a never-ending journey. You may ask “how will I know when I have learnt enough?” or think “There are so many words, I could be learning English for the rest of my life!”. If we are beginners, the scale of learning can leave us feeling unmotivated to start or continue learning. If we have already been learning for some time, we may feel we have already given so much time and energy we are panicked about how much more we will have to give and if it will ever be enough! The root of these concerns could be a fear of the unknown or perfectionism, and the fact that we don’t have a definitive point we can consider the language acquisition as ‘enough’.

Consider this belief in relation to our native language. Can you identify and explain grammar in your own language? Do you actively use every word you know? Do you know every word in the dictionary? The first two questions are likely answered ‘no’. I would bet all my money that you don’t know every word in the dictionary. So even though you are native, you don’t know everything about your own language and haven’t ‘mastered’ your own language. In fact, because you are studying an entirely different language, you might know the technical use of English better than that of your own language, and certainly better than most English natives!

If having this belief makes you feel overwhelmed or anxious when you think about learning or sit down to study, you can take control of this by a two-pronged method.

1. Define your own measurement

Set your own definition or measurement for what you consider yourself to be ‘mastered’ in English or accomplished. For those who like to follow a system, or have to take exams for visas, professional or academic requirements, this could be when you have achieved CEFR C2 level, or IELTS 9. For others you may set your own measurement such as “When I can express myself the same as I would in my native tongue’ or, ‘when I can confidently speak with my English-speaking colleagues and understand everything they say.’

2. Create a deadline

After defining your metric, you should set yourself a deadline for your new goal and then plan how you will break down your goal into smaller, achievable goals. If you feel lost with how to break your goals down or what is the most effective method to take you to your goal, you can consult with a language coach to create a plan of action with a system of attainable goals and the best methods based on your needs and learning style.

Not only will this approach give you a clear direction to your learning within a realistic time frame, it will also help you stay motivated as you will feel you are constantly accomplishing something and seeing progress and that you can and are successfully learning…your brain will also get a dopamine boost when you tick it off and mark it achieved!

Trigger 2: You hate traditional teacher-student dynamics

In traditional education, teachers are considered ‘experts’ by learners. This can be intimidating and it is quite common that a dynamic forms, where the teacher is superior and students are inferior. A regular complaint I hear from clients, is they had a horrible English teacher who shamed, punished, or humiliated them, so now they find the idea of having a ‘teacher’ triggering.

Other times, problems relate to teaching methods and content; especially in group learning where teaching is often conducted in the Grammar Translation Method. We all remember being at school having to memorise grammar off by heart. Consequently, certain exercises and teaching methods trigger us if they remind us of painful lessons. Because of the superiority dynamic, teachers may insist on learning in a particular method because they consider it ‘the best’, it may be the only teaching method they trained in, or it may be the easiest for them to conduct learning. Consequently students remain inferior and are not fully connected to their learning.

If you have this trigger, it is vital you find a coach or teacher who is compassionate and respectful towards your learning and needs. They should make you feel valued and treat you as an equal. Language coaches differ from teachers in that they create a supportive learning experience and program oriented to your goals and needs. They will ask you at the beginning of each session how you are feeling to ascertain your mood, energy and mental levels and will adjust the sessions accordingly. This ensures that your brain is calm to do the task at hand, while avoiding a stressful situation for the client.

Traditional teachers or tutors differ in that they follow a set curriculum, specific topics, materials and lesson plans. They rarely deviate or adjust the lesson to the learners’ needs. If you had a stressful day at work and you are mentally and physically exhausted, you will not be motivated, nor benefit in any way from learning a complex grammar structure scheduled to be learnt that lesson. A coach would change the plan to something you have the energy for, that will still give a rewarding session oriented to your goal. Whereas a traditional teacher would continue to conduct the lesson as they had planned- leaving you frustrated and dissatisfied in them, yourself, and the experience.

If you are tentative about committing to a long-term relationship with a coach, try starting with 3 sessions to decide if they are making you feel more relaxed and excited to learn and that the relationship is a good fit. They should replace your negative experiences of the language with a new positive one that makes you excited and inspired to learn.

Trigger 3: You don't like learning in group settings

Group settings can be challenging for many reasons. Strong personalities dominate classes and make others frustrated if they don’t get a chance to speak. For those who don’t like speaking, they can hide behind everyone else, avoid practising and not make the improvements they actually need.

Participants’ language levels can also vary significantly. Some of the group will feel like they’re struggling, while for others it will be too easy. Feelings of dissatisfaction, frustration and stress can be produced.

Group-learning can also be triggering for those who lack natural confidence, are uncomfortable speaking in front of others, are prone compare themselves to others, or felt they were lagging behind the group in a previous experience.

Their coach must ensure all participants in the group feel like they are included and that they are equal. This can be done through many different team-building exercises or mixing the group, so they all get a chance to know each other. It can be beneficial to establish group goals so that everyone is working towards the same result. This can be especially constructive for corporate groups. Rather than doing a generic ‘Business English’ course, the participants can express their concerns and needs, and an appropriate course can be designed to best match that groups’ business and language needs. This will leave everyone motivated and inspired to attend and continue developing their learning.

Trigger 4: You like learning independently

Learners who are extremely organised and motivated thrive on having complete control of their learning. While they accept they need help to transform their English, the thought of following someone else’s orders can be extremely uncomfortable. This is especially true for learners who become anxious when they’re not in control!

An effective English coach will recognise that with this type of learner they should support and encourage, not direct their learner! The learner should be encouraged to do as much work alone as they like and can use the coach to answer questions or address specific problems that the learner encounters while learning. Together, they should create a plan that allows the client to do most of their learning alone, and sessions will be used for checking the client’s understanding or to evaluate progression towards the client’s goal.

Trigger 5: You don’t really want to learn English!

Certain jobs or universities to require a certain standard of English. Some people become highly unmotivated when something is imposed on them and feel like they have to do something. This can feel like a restriction to their freedom, or they may feel resentful about having to spend their precious time and energy on something they aren’t interested in! When there’s a reason why we don’t want to do something, it can be difficult to commit to the process. Despite their happy and friendly demeanour, I can immediately tell when clients don’t really want to be learning. The begin to get fidgety, their eyes glaze over and become disconnected. Some may not even arrange following sessions for weeks at a time, despite saying they desperately want to learn.

An effective remedy would be to find a supportive coach who understands the learner’s frustration, while helping them to uncover deeper barriers to motivation. The learner should feel comfortable to express their distain to the coach and together they should set a learning approach that creates positive experiences and connections to the language. Visualisation can be beneficial to the learner by imagining how their life will look by having completed their mandated learning. By spending time in the feeling and image of the outcome, you will program your subconscious to perform the behaviours that take you to that goal. It could also be beneficial to conduct shorter sessions at a higher frequency. So rather than having to resentfully sit through a whole hour once or twice a week, 2 half an hour session can be had instead. This frequency supports the student’s comfort levels and can still ensure rapid development as they will be fully focused for the entire time, rather than wasting time distracted or getting stressed.

Trigger 6: You're scared of foreign languages!

Some people fear spiders, some have a fear of foreign languages- specifically known as Xenoglossophobia! High anxiety can be caused by speaking, reading, writing, or listening to a foreign language. Some people are triggered by every aspect of the language while others may have it in relation to a specific element.

It is important for the learner and the coach to remember that this anxiety will cause a physical response. A good coach will be able to recognise if the client is stressed by them being fidgety, flustered, stuttering, or sweating for example. The coach knows that negative feelings stop the effective brain functioning and memory retention. Therefore, they should do everything to encourage and support the learner with positive reinforcement and conduct sessions in a style that creates a calm environment and boosts their confidence.

Conclusion

Hopefully now you can see that while learning English can be stressful, with self-awareness and a supportive coach or teacher who knows how to navigate your triggers and take you to your goals in a way that doesn't pressure you, it can be an incredibly rewarding and liberating experience!

If you saw yourself described in one of the triggers above and would like advice on how to proceed with coaching, schedule a free consulation call with me to discuss your needs. If you want learn more about how coaching can help you, explore more about coaching areas.

I wish you a stress-free English learning journey!

Eleanor